Two

We are two tired souls inhaling misery as vital as oxygen. I don't know if I should be thankful we met again, talk again. The differences between us is erased once loneliness and the questions of existence burst out of our system. I guess those things are really involuntary, it is our form of exhalation.

Two stations more, we finally got to talk. I didn't opened the conversation thought I was itching to ask that question for long.

"May bf ka na ba?"
"Ha! ako? wala no!"
"Mabuti"
"Eh ikaw.. ah musta na pala kayo?"
"Ayon kami pa rin"

Pa rin? I don't know what to say but I'm sure she said it in a different tone. It was more like a leading question than an answer.

Bakit? Its the best thing to ask after that answer. But it doesn't really mean only that. Why are you telling me this? Why what happened? What do you really want? Why now? It was actually ten or more questions compacted in a single word.

"Ang hirap pala ng ganito. Kasi wala namang feelings to start with. Gusto ko lang malaman kung anong feeling nito? Bakit ba nila gusto nito? Ano ba talaga ito?"
"Bakit hindi ka makipagbreak?"
"Mahirap. Wala naman akong makitang butas sa kanya. Kumbaga walang rason, mabait siya."
"I don't know ha. But for me not having any feelings with that person is reason enough. Pero sa akin lang yun."

I should have expanded it more but I don't really know these things. Who am I to give advices?

But what I really want to say is that -- also has a fault. In a relationship one cannot monopolize any mistake commited. Maybe something you seek is not provided. Talk it out if you can. Maybe -- doesn't know it and he deserves to be informed about it. Or better if you end it for now. The two of you must ponder upon things first. But I never even entered a single relationship so the things that I have said can be taken as void. Who am I really? I'm as ignorant as you are.

Naku payo ko sayo wag ka munang magbf.
Ha, ako? That's not even part of my vocabulary. Siguro matagal pa yong ma-add sa bokabularyo ko. Lalo na ngayon ang hirap. Isa pa ewan ko ba la talaga ako interest sa mga bagay na yan. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung bakit kailangan ng bf.

(Last station, North Ave Station. Paki tingin lang po yung mga gamit nyo.)

"Bye bye. Malayo pa pala marathon mo. Sige."
"Congrats pala."
"Sayo din."

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*sorry i can't help but post it here-- to that person.. you know who you are.